Save Hip Hop, Ban Country Music

In class we watched a debate about the merits of hip hop music. There are arguments for and against hip hop, but in reality, there isn't an excess of empirical data out there to support either side, so I believe judgement must be deferred until such time as this data can be produced. However, country music is an objectively bad thing which should be banned. In fact, a study from the University of Arkansas found that the relative prevalence of country music stations in an area has a direct positive correlation with the rate of white suicide. In fact, it was found that country music stations account for 51% of the variance in the white suicide rate in studied communities. Now, I'm sure none of you needed any extra proof that country music kills people, what with its universal themes of alcoholism and unrequited anger towards lost loves, but if you did, its right there.
Because country has now been shown to increase the mortality rate in the United States, I believe it should be banned. I'm sure that with the proper initiative, people will see its dangerous side effects and it will be banned very soon, despite its massive popularity in the southern US, qualities shared with tobacco. Also like the tobacco issue, I'm sure that this will be resolved quickly and without controversy. At the very least, we can expect to see a ban on Taylor Swift and other country artists that market to children, and a severe tax hike on country music CDs in the near future.

http://comp.uark.edu/~ches/CountryMusic_Suicide.pdf